the hidden years

Everyday the tears fall.

I know not if this is reality for most mothers.  This is one of the reasons I cry.  There is no one else to ask.  No one else to talk to.  No one to share the daily pain with, the daily work with, the daily joys with.

My heart continuously seeks to blame.  Eve.  The Serpent.  The man.  God.  The blame brings me no peace, in fact, it only feeds the despair.  This is not the way.  Not the way of she who hopes in God.

I wonder.

What if my heart would praise instead?

~~~

“Lift up your heads, O ye gates; even lift them up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in.”
~Psalm 24:9~

One thought on “the hidden years

  1. This post seems so sad. Hoping you are in a better place these days.

    I read your post on your 15th anniversary, congratulations!!! I think it’s good you want to be done with feeling the pain of marriage… we’ve only been married 11 years, but it’s been mostly full of joy and happiness (even though we’ve gone through crazy trials with money and in-laws, a miscarriage, job loss, etc.). But even with those trials, it doesn’t feel that hard, being happily married.

    Did your husband do something to make you so unhappy? I wondered if there was some reason as to why you said in that post, that it was so much pain and thinking divorce was coming? In regard to this post, my husband is usually the one I share all that stuff with (well, minus a lot of the housework related things). But I mean, we connect as much as we can, and I don’t feel *totally* alone (maybe mostly alone with homeschooling and doing the house tasks…). But usually I only feel super lonely around my period (to be blunt).

    Hoping your doing MUCH better and have found some peace. Your pictures on this blog are incredible!

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