communication skills

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“O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, and His steadfast love endures forever.”
~Psalm 107:1~

One of my hopes for this new blog is to practice the art of slow to speak and patience in writing.  There’s an acronym I read somewhere that has stuck with me and is based on the word HALT.  The context was communication in marriage but I believe its application is helpful in many areas beyond that.

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

When any or all of these adjectives describe you, chances are, the urge to speak is great.  However, these are also the times when the greatest damage can be done.  You say things that are unwise, untrue, unhelpful, and even downright hurtful.  These are not the kind of words that edify.

There is a lot of talk these days about being real.  I totally get it.  I was just sitting on my husband’s lap this afternoon, head buried in his shoulder, crying about the overwhelming feeling of suppression I have.  The feeling of always having to be ‘on’ and polished for people.  For me, being a pastor’s wife, it is a rare thing to ever feel safe with people.

But your humanity cannot stay suppressed.  It will find a way out.  That is what happened with my former blog.  I see that now.  I was rebelling against the suppression I’d felt for so long.  I was wasting away in the isolation of silent pain.  I had lost all sense of dignity in the raw fight for survival.  I was hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.

Aren’t we all.  At least in times and seasons.  I truly believe you need people in your life where you can let your guard down, spill your guts, cry all over their shoulder, and share those raw moments with.  Most of all, we need those people who will hold us in those times, listen to the sobs, forgive us, and love us anyway.

Thanking God today for the steadfast love language of Calvary.

8 thoughts on “communication skills

  1. “I was hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.”
    And you allowed others, me included, to acknowledge that even just admitting similar stuff in me was okay.
    He wastes nothing ((hugs))

  2. I’m sorry that the weight of that burden is so heavy–always having to be ‘on’ and polished, to have to suppress your humanness. I hate that the church views pastors and wives like that. It’s not right or healthy… Because you are just people, with your own junk, like everyone else. 😦

    I hope that you can find some freedom there, but I’m sure it’s a balance. You’re lovely and beautiful and redeemed in all of your messy humanness. 🙂

    • Thanks. I don’t think congregations intentionally place non-human expectations on their pastors but that is just how the circumstances play out when you have no real life people who are ‘your people’, people you do life with.

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