this at last

wet“It’s always in the evenings, when the lights dim and the house quiets, that I feel it most.  To describe it as a throbbing is insufficient.  It is pent-up energy, primal and magnetic, drawing outward.  Always outward.  Its pull is like the tide, toward the ocean, toward the moon.”
~Seth Haines, Coming Clean~

We were in Florida.

It was me and my better half, along with Jake and Tara, Nick and Candace, indeed, we all go together.  Everyone was talking, well, everyone except for me.  I don’t typically speak inside groups larger than four.  Instead, I sat there frustrated–not angry–but frustrated.

The energy was not content to be contained.  It escaped out my heel and my foot began tapping under the table.  This only made the feeling worse.  My palms began to sweat and fingers followed in my foot steps to reinforce the building tension.  The sun was setting.

The sun was setting, two blocks from the restaurant, and we were sitting inside. The talking in that moment was nothing exciting, deep, or meaningful.  My heart exercised everything in its beating power to pay attention.  My heart was begging me to run.

Someone finally got the picture.  I don’t mean to be dramatic, but for crying out loud, the sun was setting.  The sky was exhibiting a free art show, the ocean offering a crashing freedom and Divine intoxication.  Finally someone suggested we go outside.

I needed permission and finally had it.   Why I didn’t speak up, why I didn’t leave sooner, why I endured the time-wasting frustration of a setting sunset for so long, I don’t know.   What I really want to know is what this feeling is and what I’m supposed to do with it.

It needs somewhere to go, so that’s where it went, straight to the sea.  I hit the sand and it was like my feet suddenly had wings and I was flying into the Gulf of Mexico with all my clothes on which made it all the more exotic and crazy and unpredictable and satisfying.

I tried to tell them they were missing out but they wouldn’t listen.  They all laughed and looked at me like I was nuts.  Except for him, my better half. He knows better, that’s exactly why I married him, because he knows me even better than I know my own self.

He did what any man in his right mind would do.

He ran in and joined me.

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