“For You light my lamp; The LORD my God illumines my darkness. For by You I can run upon a troop; And by my God I can leap over a wall.”
The heavens opened again last night.
Early in the morning while the snow was still dark we laid awake and talked it out. Twelve years into marriage and I think we’re finally identifying the causes and patterns of our communication breakdowns leading to the repeated and unintended hurt and offense. You really have to be student of your own spouse and your own self. Generalizations only go so far before they collide with the individuality of a person. Gender, personality, family history, personal past and present, this all plays into the marriage dynamic.
People say marriage takes work. The hardest work by far for us has been the work of communication. Taking out the garbage and sharing a bathroom has really been the least of our issues. We worked together at Camp CILCA for four summers doing all kinds of no-makeup mundane and laborious tasks and it was a joy. But something happens when you get physically and emotionally close to a person. Something happens when you become one flesh. Your entire being is far more sensitive to the words, actions, habits, and life of another person.
It reflects who you are. It affects who you are. It becomes a part of who you are.
This is why it is so important, so very important, to remember whose we are to begin with. We are sons of God. We are brothers and sisters in Christ. We are one in the Spirit. Lutherans talk all the time about remembering our Baptisms. I don’t always think along these Sacramental lines because I didn’t grow up with it. It isn’t ingrained in my thought process, at least not in those terms.
But Song is a language I have understood since my beloved early days of Sunday night hymn sings. Song breaks the chain of demonic brainwashing attacking the one-flesh and pitting the other person against you, particularly in how messages are received. We are discovering Song has a powerful effect to halt the downward spiral and/or uplift the weaker partner from the terrible depths of communication disaster.
In other words, come hell or high water, one of us picks up the hymn book and sings.
God’s own child I gladly say it
I am baptized into Christ
He because I could not pay it
Gave my full redemption price
Do I need earth’s treasure’s many
I have one worth more than any
That brought me salvation free
Lasting to eternity
Song opens the eyes. Song clears the air. Song draws out the truth. Song turns us back around. Song looks us in the eye. Song can’t help but smile. Song softens the heart. Song makes a way when there seems to be no way.
Our Song saves the day and makes us strong enough to keep going.