answers

8/18/2001

Rebekah,

Do you ever get to that point in the day when there is nothing more that you would rather do than put your arms around a certain person?

I hit that point tonight.

For some reason I have been repressing all of my emotions this week because I miss you so
much.  It has put me into this permanent pissy mood.

I really hate it.

I remember when I got back from dropping you off after New Years and I said to myself,
“don’t ever do that again”.  What I meant was that I never wanted to have to leave you like that again.

I think that I would rather lock myself in my room and never come out again than to spend the days without you, knowing that there may not be an end to the misery.

Incase you do not know what I am trying to say here: if I had a thousand years to write how much I miss you, I could not do it.

When I am around you the days are too short and when we are apart, my days are
too long.

I cannot change this, but I pray that you will not hold my cold heartedness against me.

I miss you.

~~~~~

Joshua,

I slept later than usual this morning.

You came in to wake me up, to say goodbye before you left, and I fell back asleep.

I think I’ve gotten spoiled having you around so much lately.  It’s a night and day difference, it really is.  You make the days so much better.

It’s good for you to get out of the office though.  I’m actually really glad you get to go do all these different chapel services all over the great wide CID.

So, instead of making breakfast, I’ve been reading through some of our old emails.  I can’t believe how many years of letters and emails we have.

I hope you don’t mind you me putting it here.  Something about how the past meets the present, how broken pieces fit together, seeing it with my own eyes heals me.

I forgot how funny you are.

Hormones are such a crazy thing.  Seriously.  I don’t what it is, but lately I’ve been this swirling hurricane of emotion, like a ridiculous fury that can’t be stopped.

If only I could sing like Carrie Underwood and drive so far we’ll only find static on the radio.  These female power ballads I play all day are the only thing that can give it a voice.

Fury sounds negative, but that’s not what this is.  It isn’t rage, and it isn’t lust or greed or hatred or anything else I’ve known along the same old mud puddles.

This is stronger than all that.

I can’t describe it.

Why does love feel like too tame a word?

Kids are waking up now.

I miss you.

love, rebekah

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One thought on “answers

  1. “Something about how the past meets the present, how broken pieces fit together, seeing it with my own eyes heals me.”

    I love that and feel the same way! Been unearthing some memories of my own, lately, too. It’s good to see the idea that God works everything together for good come to fruition. Healing. Yes.

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