the evening tide 

The words are here, somewhere.

But they can’t get out.  I’m digging, I’m searching, I’m looking, I’m holding, I’m thumbing my way through this dam.

You can’t put a lid on my heart.  If only there were words acceptable enough to be received.  If only I could find a way.

Why do we have to forget?  How in the world could we ever forget? I can’t do it.  Please don’t make me do it, not again.

Can you hear my cry when it’s no longer there?  Will you hear my prayer when I’ve forgotten where it is? Tell me again.

I can’t forget you, Jesus.

lost in translation 

Today was one of those days I had to tell my feelings to go away.  

Hold on, let me say that with a little more compassion for myself…

Today was one of those days I had to reassure my feelings they were going to be alright and would be gone again by tomorrow.  I’m learning the patterns.

This is actually quite liberating, the idea that my emotions are not always true, are not who I am, and are not the ruler of me.  

The apostle Paul talks about taking every thought captive to obey Christ.  I’ve been thinking of this concept in relation to emotion, and yes, I said that on purpose.

John Piper talks about commanding the emotions.  He’s not simply saying “Don’t worry, Be happy”, though there’s a time and a place for that if we’re willing.

To command the emotions says the Maker is my model. 

There are feelings I must fight every day, thoughts in my head, desires of my heart gone astray who need nothing from me but the truth and redirection–

“There’s no room for anyone but Jesus here.” 

carry the light

On the day many of our friends are heading back to school, we are too, sort of. We have stayed with our commitment to follow the beat of the camp rhythm, as in ending school right before Memorial Day and beginning again right after Labor Day.  It has made for a long summer on my end, particularly in the falling away of much of our structure and routines.  On the other hand, I’m happy to have had so much time to prepare for school this year.

We’re still preparing and there is much still to be done.  Beginning today, every weekday morning after breakfast, we’re working/playing in the school room until it’s time for lunch.  The time has come for my random piles of accumulating stuff to find a home, mostly books.  I have so many books.  King Solomon warned me about this, and believe me, I pray I take his words to heart as I aim to wisely use the time God has given me with my children.

Besides being wise, the Preacher also taught the people knowledge, weighing and studying and arranging many proverbs with great care. The Preacher sought to find words of delight, and uprightly he wrote words of truth.

The words of the wise are like goads, and like nails firmly fixed are the collected sayings; they are given by one Shepherd.  My son, beware of anything beyond these. Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh.

~Ecclesiastes 12:9-12~

Timing is everything in the land of learning.  The past will join hands with the present as I point my children to the Joy of their future.  I am excited to combine the rich Bible heritage of my childhood with the gradual and ongoing opening up of the Scriptures happening in adulthood.

My life has been blessed with many wonderful teachers.  God first gave me parents and grandparents, who in season and out of season, faithfully taught me the Word of God.  God then brought me here to camp the first time, where my faith and love for Christ and His Kingdom grew in ways only possible through leaving home.

Through the ministry of camp, He then brought my husband into my life who over the now 17 years I’ve known him has served, probably more than any other person on earth, to give me Jesus and point me to Christ in all ways divinely and humanly possible.

There’s a song I learned long ago during one of my many childhood VBS summers.  I still remember the words to this day, as the melody and words combined created a lasting impact on my soul.

Carry the Light
Carry the Light
Go and tell the children
They are precious in His sight

Carry the Light
Carry the Light
Go and preach the Gospel
Til there is no more night
In the name of Jesus Christ
Carry the Light

I pray for the joy and protection

the patience and diligence

the humanity and humility to carry the Light

to the children God has placed in my world.