awkward silence

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He appeared to me again in a dream.

There was hurt in his eyes, and for the first time, I was able to get a good look at his face. Rumor told him I was hiding something.  I’d told him he was the first and the only, but in my dream, two others had heard the same story.  Like all the dreams where you try to run but can’t, I wanted to explain, but couldn’t.  There wasn’t enough time.

We were all in a church–me and my better half, the two witnesses, and the one who felt betrayed.  I was coming back from Communion, sad I would have to walk past him. When I was close enough to hear his side he spoke to me, “I regret ever believing that I meant something to you”.  There was hurt in his voice, but his eyes pained me most.

I had time for only two words.

“I don’t.”

I couldn’t have spoken more real or heartfelt words.  I had told him the truth.  And as soon as the words left my mouth, I looked to my left and saw my better half wince and stand up.  He grabbed his chest, looking at me in pain and disbelief.  The hurt was now in his eyes, and for the first time, I was able to get a good look at his face.

I was able to regret what I had done.

 

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