I sometimes regret abandoning my blogs.
The first time, I do believe, was necessary. There were some serious soul-issues needing healing and intervention in my life, and neither of those things could happen by staying where I was. So I moved to another blog (here), where I could start over. I personally contacted a handful of readers/friends and invited them to “follow” me here. They did, and I was grateful, for if there was one thing I had learned from blogging, it was that life isn’t meant to be lived alone, and you never are actually as alone as you feel. I wrote one last post and left the others behind.
I never even said goodbye.
Then I did the same thing here. Silly as it sounds, I continue to doubt whether or not writing here is good or bad. I simultaneously need to be open, vulnerable, and in community with people, and at the same time, I am afraid of the internet. I cannot completely trust the unknown. I also despise the loneliness of it. You can connect, but not really, not in a way that is lasting, deep, true and in person. So I get frustrated and leave. The thing is, I can keep quiet for a while, but only for a while. After a while, I cannot keep quiet any longer. I need to write. I need to connect.
a brave-hearted canyon to catch the ideas
watch from the edges
and wait for the echo
“To be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known”
I sometimes wonder if freedom comes less easily from those around us, and more easily from those here. The deatils of living that bind: have you put on weight … you look older … you seem discontented … what’s for dinner … we can’t do that because we have to do this … why are angry … you can’t say what you think … think before you speak … what about you … what about us!!!
🙂
Very true, Paul! Thankful to know you and for all your love!
I think you’re right about the freedom thing. It’s just simply the way it is to be a real life flesh and blood person. We are bound! We have limits!
This is why I love to write. Writing involves more of the soul, and when you write, you get to fly higher than those physical limits, if only for a moment in time. Even better when there are others to enjoy the view with!