the transformed wife–teaching us to love or hate?

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Since the article Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos went viral, I’ve been following the posts of The Transformed Wife.  Lori Alexander, the author of the blog, is an older women writing to teach younger women the ways of God’s Word and Biblical womanhood.  She says there are many things she regrets about her past during the younger years in her marriage, and she writes now hoping to spare women her mistakes.

There was a time when I wanted so bad to have a mentor.  I wanted another woman teaching me, leading me, guiding me through the labyrinth of life.  In what felt like a famine of real-life women to learn from and talk to, I found myself drawn to ministries like No Greater Joy and books like Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.  At the time, I was desperate for concrete advice that would actually produce desired results.

There was something different about the teachings of Debi Pearl–the same woman who also taught and inspired Lori Alexander. Her words, though often blunt and straightforward, felt like a long lost, needed common sense.  In a world where adults seemed to possess zero competence, at least pertaining to the subject of child-rearing, she actually had standards—and high ones.  She didn’t offer me the “lower your expectations” softness I was quickly growing weary of, if only because they felt like the obvious code words for things like weakness, failure, giving up, and defeat.

All this to say, I understand why people might follow and appreciate Lori.  It’s too long of a story to get into right now, but for me, in the end, these teachings ended up doing more harm than good.  The more I continue reading her, the more my heart aches.  I’ve been blubbering around in a Word document trying to come up with some kind of coherent, respectable response.  I tried to leave a comment on another man’s blog, which wasn’t allowed through.  I also tried to leave a comment yesterday on Lori’s What Men Thought of My Viral Post, and then again today on her Has Jesus Become a Post-Modern Hippie?

Am I being censured?  Is what I am trying to say offensive?

Dear Lori,
I tried to leave a comment yesterday but I haven’t seen it posted.  Your teachings are breaking my heart.  You are displaying no heart or compassionate love for young women or the world.  You relish these men approving of you at the cost of them disapproving of other women.  Please stop hurting the world this way.  Only true love can overcome evil.

It is too long of a story to get into right now, but in the end, I don’t believe teachings like those found on The Transformed Wife are helping spread the message of true Christianity.  In the end, I found myself hating women more than I ever loved them.

The world is messed up right now, there’s no doubt about that.

Jesus Christ is the lover of humanity.

As a Christian, I love women, and I love men.

There can be no other way.

One thought on “the transformed wife–teaching us to love or hate?

  1. First up: no that is not offensive.

    Secondly, “viral” is only viral if you move in the right circles. I don’t – so had to go looking.

    Thirdly, this … “She says there are many things she regrets about her past during the younger years in her marriage, and she writes now hoping to spare women her mistakes. “

    I have found sparing others my mistakes is like attempting to hold back the sea. But more than that – it is stealing another’s journey. Because “mistakes” to one are a lifesaver to another. So here is what I think:

    You have no need to learn how to be what you want to be. You already are. You cannot be more you than “you” – and certainly not “more you” by avoiding another’s “mistakes”. That is them being them – and you are not them. You are you – you are I Am. I think we are all I Am.

    As for … “The world is messed up right now, there’s no doubt about that. Jesus Christ is the lover of humanity. As a Christian, I love women, and I love men. There can be no other way. “

    I love your journey. I love everyone’s journey – no Christian required – and I love that you are.

    But that’s just me 🙂

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