cold and dark

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Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
how we need to hear from God
You’ve been promised, we’ve been waiting
Welcome Holy Child, Welcome Holy Child
~Welcome to Our World~

December angst arrived early this year.  In my heart, I know this is right, the way it’s supposed and is going to be no matter how hard you try, but in my head, it is too many things to get done, to keep straight, and to still keep the peace in both of those places.

I’ve been dreading this trip to go out to New York.  Many months ago, when my husband said we had to change the original November dates, I wasn’t even thinking about the reality, other than the fact that my grandparents had gotten older and sicker this year. I always get travel anxiety as is, even more now in these weeks leading up into Christmas.

But when I talk to my Grandma, she sounds so excited.  I talked to my brother-in-law on the phone, who is getting their camper all ready to house us.  I just haven’t been able to get excited myself, until I asked him what, if anything, we could bring.  “Has Grandma set up her Christmas tree yet?”  No, he said.  “The Christmas spirit has yet to arrive here.”

I suddenly felt a faint wind of purpose.  If the Christmas spirit has yet to arrive

“Then we’ll bring it”, I said.

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Earlier today, it was school or start corn bags.  I chose to start corn bags.  My daughter and I had gone shopping for fabric to make corn bags, or “heat-packs” to give to our outside cats, Tom and Shadow.  It also gives me a reason to get out my sewing machine and sewing stuff Norma gave to me a few years ago.  This time of year my heart longs for old friends, and often thinks back on the special things we used to do together.

My sisters and I recently talked about making memories.  My sister articulated it so well when she said that as women, we labor to imprint these lasting images on hearts and on minds.  Our work is one of forging bonds, between God and family, family and others.  I don’t think I would ever thought to sort it out and put it that way, but it’s true.  All this December stuff we’re instinctively doing and wanting to do is for us, in part, but it’s really for them

the ones we love.

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