silver spoons

My children live in a different world than I do.  January, for me, seems like the perfect month to hibernate, to slow down, to cuddle up with a hot drink and rest.  Children are  not inclined to hibernate in winter.  They’re eager as ever to get outside, freezing cold as it may be, and explore the realms of the naked woods.  There’s a physical connection that exists between me and my children, where I cannot fully be at peace when they’re out there, and I’m in here.  I’m not fully resting in here.  Part of me is out there playing.

This is one of the most frustrating parts of motherhood for me–I can’t be selfish anymore.  There was a time in my life where I could be selfish and never even have to realize that that’s what I was.  I’m not saying it’s selfish to want to relax, or to need time in the day that is peaceful and lower-key.  But once you have children, it’s not always possible to do that, and even when it’s physically possible, it still feels mentally impossible forever.  If a mother is ever to feel mental peace again, there is no other choice but to turn her children over to God, to accept His hands is where they will be.

Motherhood connects us to other parts of the world.  Our horizons are widened beyond our own selves.  And it isn’t just motherhood, it’s anytime God shares His own world with us–a person, an animal, a place, or a memory.  Christ is the ultimate example of giving, and God’s gift is what eases the pain of our loss, and makes the world a better place.


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