Asgard, ancient war

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The snowpants are hanging alongside the flip-flops towel.  This is funny to me, and I take a picture of it quickly the moment I see it, for no other reason than this is funny to me.

This cook job is kicking my butt into gear.  I go back and forth between bitter and happy. On one hand, I’m not a huge fan of the planning, budget, mental load, and responsibility.  On the other hand I can do this, and I’m happy to be present, included, and challenged.

“Coming boys, hold on, I’ll be there in a minute.”

I promised the little boys we’d finish watching Thor today.

 

the beach trail

It’s too early in the summer to be bickering and bored, but that being said, people are already bickering and bored.  No one has actually expressed the b word to me, but they’ve communicated it in other ways.  As the kids get older, I feel less and less responsible for and bothered by their boredom, and what we’re all experiencing now isn’t true boredom, but a need for the new routine to form and for camp to get going.

It’s our fourth summer living here which seems extremely hard to believe.  When we walk down the hill with our beach bags and towels, it seems like we’ve picked right back up where we left off.  I don’t feel any older, and I wouldn’t immediately notice a change in the kids.  They years could possibly be measured by the amount of hyper-vigilence I take on at the beach.  This afternoon all five of them swam and played in the water.

I stretched out on the dock and closed my eyes.  I have less tolerance for shenanigans, disobedience, and noise, but a more present state of inner peace and rest. My default mode isn’t stress and frustration, and just to type that feels like an undeserved miracle, like the post-traumatic* silence of a long time coming

like the world we live in truly has shifted and changed.

(*forgive me if you’re triggered by the use of that word)

here we are

We’ve been nursing one of our cats back to health this past week.  Basically that means we took her to the vet after a lump on her left shoulder turned out to be an abscess that burst into an open wound the size of a half-dollar.  The wound looked clean, but because it was so gooey and deep we took her in to get it looked at and treated by a professional.

The vet flushed the wound, gave her an antibiotic, and told us to keep her indoors. This is the time of year when flies and gnats start to come out, and they like to lay eggs in warm, moist places.  The point of keeping her inside is to keep her out of the way of the flies and gnats so she doesn’t end in a worse wound situation than she started out with.

The abscess rupture is filling in nicely and is now the size of about half a penny.  She’s been resting comfortably on the living room chair and continues all her normal cat activities of grooming, eating and drinking, and using the litter box regularly.  She tried at first to go outside but so far we’ve been able to keep her in with no incidents.

I feel like I’m about to get sucked up into summer.  The counselors have arrived and pretty soon the camping grounds will be packed with RV’s.  I never feel ready for this when it comes, and my abilities or desires to “embrace the crazy” seem to have taken a long vacation somewhere else.  So farewell, winter–I will and always miss you. The kids have been asking about going to Baskin Robins and for weeks now I’ve been thinking this would be the perfect time for Sister Tabitha to finally come home and take them.

It doesn’t even have to be Sister Tabitha who takes them.

It really, truly, could just be me.

 

 

the white oaks

There isn’t much to say when the rain comes around.  The greenery has already filled up the trees, and yesterday when we walked down the trail to the beach, it looked like the jungle had moved into the woods.  I don’t like the jungle the way I don’t like the fog.

There’s a sobriety inside of me that never goes away.  It makes things like talking about my yoga classes and cleaning up my room seem insignificant.  Some things in life are important enough to do, but not important or insignificant enough to write down.

Who do you love, really love, today, friends?

(This is where I tip my hat and keep walking)

Good day.

 

 

 

lack of motivation

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Every so often my mind gets stuck in a caveman mentality, where I look around the house and the sights do not separate and compute into individual tasks.  It all blurs together as I get out of bed, go to the bathroom, walk down the hall, and all I can see is,

“Ugh. Mess.”

It’s like in the movie Dr. Strange when Dr. Strange uses the time stone to create a time loop where over and over he is destined to die at the hand of Dormammu. Over and over he shows up and says, “Dormammu, I’ve come to bargain” (or something like that).  Over and over Dormammu just kills him but Dr. Strange just keeps coming back saying, “Dormammu, I’ve come to bargain”, until the villain is finally tired of killing.

There are people who can see the world, and others who can act upon it. My gift in life does not seem to be one of the acting sort.  I act because I have to, because people need me to, but not because I cannot help but act.  It seems though I cannot help but see.

I remember reading one time that the meaning of the word courage was “the will to act”.  I always thought of courage as having to do with bravery, fear, and doing something great in the face of overwhelming odds, that are, most likely, completely against you.  But when I think of courage as “the will to act” it makes me think of the word “discouraged”.

“WOW!”

So is discouragement then when you are missing “the will to act”, missing bravery, missing greatness, and missing courage?  And does en-couraged mean when you have gone from the state of missing the will to act to being the great possessor of courage?

As Christians we are told to encourage one another.  I’ve always thought it was kind of silly to read a mom blog that says something like “Mama, you are brave.” I appreciate encouragement, but flattery? Seriously.  What is brave about making people breakfast?

But it IS brave! And I can hardly believe this.

I’m shouting this to you across the internet, friends.

“In Christ we are the great possessors of courage!”