the beach trail

It’s too early in the summer to be bickering and bored, but that being said, people are already bickering and bored.  No one has actually expressed the b word to me, but they’ve communicated it in other ways.  As the kids get older, I feel less and less responsible for and bothered by their boredom, and what we’re all experiencing now isn’t true boredom, but a need for the new routine to form and for camp to get going.

It’s our fourth summer living here which seems extremely hard to believe.  When we walk down the hill with our beach bags and towels, it seems like we’ve picked right back up where we left off.  I don’t feel any older, and I wouldn’t immediately notice a change in the kids.  They years could possibly be measured by the amount of hyper-vigilence I take on at the beach.  This afternoon all five of them swam and played in the water.

I stretched out on the dock and closed my eyes.  I have less tolerance for shenanigans, disobedience, and noise, but a more present state of inner peace and rest. My default mode isn’t stress and frustration, and just to type that feels like an undeserved miracle, like the post-traumatic* silence of a long time coming

like the world we live in truly has shifted and changed.

(*forgive me if you’re triggered by the use of that word)

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