more on this


This morning as I pulled up to the gas pump for gas I had the “random” thought, “I need to call my mom and find out how she’s doing.”  Not five seconds later I got a text from my mom asking me about kids’ pajamas and sizes. Things like this convince me there’s such a thing as esp, or some kind of mind over body connection between humans.

And yet, the body effects the mind. Movement can uplift the mood. Food can comfort, nourish, and energize. What we put in our bodies can also deaden, damage, and slowly desensitize us to the world, and probably most tragic of all, our own selves.

I really don’t know where I’m going with this. One of my sisters has been struggling with health issues, and also trying to make changes to her diet, something she’s further inspiring me to do. I think we’re getting to this age where we’ve maxed out the resiliency that comes from being kids. I hope to keep writing about these various food things soon.

Call me pathetic, but I still have times where I look around or find myself in a situation where decisions need to be made and I’m like, “Well, I guess I’m the grown up here???”

No really, I seriously, STILL have a hard time.

You never outgrow the need to grow up.

I think I’ve made joking around part of a defense mechanism for not feeling confident. I have fears of commitments, because with commitments come weighted and hefty responsibilities. Am I against hard and difficult work??? I’ll work as hard as or harder than anybody else when I want to, but what am I supposed to do when I don’t want to?

I feel like that’s asking me to be dishonest, and I’m not just saying that to make it sound virtuous. I don’t like being someone I’m not, and I don’t like doing things that don’t feel like me. But I also love to learn new things, and becoming aged is something you learn.

I miss my grandma a lot today. I’m starting to feel weepy even though I haven’t wept. We’re having a small pastor’s wives get-together at camp. The original one was cancelled, but while we were at the pastor’s conference, I ran into some wives who’d really been looking forward to coming. They were all women with small or school-aged children, and my heart went out to their hopes for a break and some womanly connection.

My grandma used to do these things all the time, and she’s in a stage of life where she’s having to learn how to not, how she can’t, be that person anymore.

Wow. I truly didn’t mean to pull up this screen and write something depressing.  I don’t really know what prompted all this other than that I’ve been thinking about my sister and her health and my health and my family’s health and this retreat coming up. I’ve got my hashbrown quiche in the oven. The kids are getting their weekly Friday half-priced slushees with dad, and they just walked in.  Where o where on earth did the time go!?

Here’s to seizing the day again, friends.

A blessed weekend to you and yours.


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