Thus rejoicing, free from sorrow
Praises voicing, greet the morrow
Christ the child was born for you!
Christ the child was born for you!
~Infant Holy, Infant Lowly~

It’s Christmas Eve morning, and though we’ve had a rich and full month of home and activity, I’m wishing now I’d stopped more to jot down the moments of our days. I’ve been slow to the computer, and more accurately, the feelings that I know to well up inside me during this time of year. But the emotions do come. They always come.

At the end of every day, and not just at Christmas, I feel a sense of dread and sadness. Another day is gone, lived, passed, and who well knows what tomorrow will bring? It comes between the hours of 9PM and midnight, thought it usually doesn’t last that entire time. I don’t remember feeling it before we moved here, but I do remember when the kids were infants, feeling the dread and anxiety as the night was approaching, right as most others were heading to bed. It was that feeling of knowing that I would have to get up, that sleeping was not guaranteed or predicted. In other years the dread would be tied to guilt, mostly over yelling or losing my patience. Somehow I’m never completely happy.

This is why Jesus Christ came for us, friends. Us in him, and he in us. As a mother, all I can do is receive our children as gifts for a time, to be given and taken away as God wills. I needn’t be afraid of the time that is passing, or worried about whether I loved to the fullest. God, in this process, is loving me, helping me, shaping me, upholding me and all of his children. We are not even trying to “do” here at all, but simply living in the overflow of gratitude and love.

Jesus makes it possible to be happy again. Christ has lived, died, and lives again for all eternity, coming again to make all things new.  I’m never completely happy here on earth, on this old earth that groans to be free from sin’s wrecking. And yet these sorrows inside do not exist as one more reason to be sad in this life, but as reasons of multitudes to give thanks and rejoice.

Merry Christmas Eve, dear friends!

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